Colossians: Gospel House Rules, Part 1 – Wives

Preached on 6.7.09 by Dustin Neeley
Sermon Notes

 

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Colossians 3:18 ESV

 

Understanding the Text:

Overview: Paul is describing how “Gospel Activity” plays out in the specific relationships in the home-husband/wife and parents/children.

The Definition of Submission:

1. Verb literally means “to willingly put oneself under.” This was culturally unique.
2. “Submission refers to a wife’s divine calling to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts. It is not an absolute surrender of her will. Rather, we speak of her disposition to yield to her husband’s guidance and her inclination to follow his leadership.” – Wayne Grudem and John Piper, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.

The Scope, Nature, and Purposes of Submission:

1. The scope of the submission that is called for here is limited to the unique relationship between husband and wife. (“Wives…to your husbands…” )
   • All women are not required to “submit” to all men in this way.  
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     • All men and women should respect each other appropriately.
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     • There should be as much “submission” as the relationship calls for.
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       • To pastors. (Heb. 13:17) Employers (Col. 3:20).
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       • What about women who are engaged to be married? Are “Seeds of submission” present & Growing?
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     • What if my husband is an unbeliever?”  (1 Peter 3:1-2).
2. A wife’s submission to her husband flows from her submission to Jesus. (“…as is fitting in the Lord…”)
   • A godly wife’s first commitment is to Jesus-not her husband.
   • “Biblical submission” to your husband is submission to Jesus.
   • Submission must be broken if a husband asks a wife to do something that violates her submission to Jesus-something illegal, immoral, unethical or unbiblical. Even then, the ‘breaking’ can be done in a submissive way as a witness to the Gospel (1 Pet. 3:2).
3. Submission, as it is spoken of in the Bible, has several purposes.
   • The glory of God through obedience to God.
   • The good of your family.
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     • A Gospel home will have greater peace and less strife.
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     • This models Gospel Marriage to all of your children.
   • Potentially winning an unbelieving husband to Christ (1 Pet. 3:2)

What Does Submission Look Like in Real Life?

“Submission is more of an attitude than an action.” – Danny Akin

Husbands and wives participate in constructive, joint discussion and decision- making.  Ultimately, responsibility for leading the family falls to Dad-even when Mom may disagree.  But be careful when Mom disagrees!

How do we see “biblical submission” become a reality in our homes?

Wives:

1. Trust that God knows what is best for His glory and your family’s good.
   • Do I see this is a command flowing from God’s good character and wisdom?
2. Believe and walk in the good of the Gospel yourself.
   • Am I living out of my “Gospel Identity” or some other script?
3. Be aware of and quick to repent of your own sinful tendencies in this area.
   • Do I see my lack of submission as sin and Jesus as my payment and hope?
4. Be aware of your own ‘experiential’ and ‘cultural baggage’ in this area.
   • Do I see how previous experiences could be negatively affecting our situation?
5. Be prepared for this to be a ‘work in progress’ for both you & your husband.
   • Am I committed to not holding the past against him? Working to communicate?

 

Husbands:

1. Recognize the biblical responsibility upon us is to help our wives fulfill this command.
   • Do I see that I have an enormous role to play in this process?
2. Do everything you can to create an environment in which “biblical submission” comes most naturally.
   • Am I committed to this process? Even it means more talking, books, counseling?
3. Provide the appropriate loving, strong leadership that your family needs.
   • Am I being passive/domineering or leading like Jesus in the home?
4. Be prepared for this to be a ‘work in progress’ for both you & your wife.
   • Am I committed to not holding the past against her? Working together?
5. Be prepared to do what you will learn to do next week.
   • Am I committed to learning all I can to see my family become all God desires?

 

The Gospel is our only hope for each of us to do our part in making fulfilling this command a reality.

Works Consulted: Expositor’s Commentary, NIV Application Commentary, Life Application Bible, MacArthur Study Bible, ESV Study Bible, Works by Danny Akin, John Piper, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood by Piper and Grudem